Because I'm Broken
by LivingInImaginary
Summary: Everything was in ruins, her perfect life slipping through her fingers like water. Rated T for language, and maybe other things in future chapters.
1. Prologue

Prologue:

**Sometimes, lying is just easier. **

_Sonny smiled politely to everyone as she walked through the studio doors. She grinned and laughed and joked like the brilliant actress she was. It was all a facade, just a lie. That happy, bubbly Sonny was long gone. She missed the days when she had something to look forward to – when she had cared._

**Because you can't face it anymore. **

_Sonny jumped up suddenly, unable to take it any longer. Her eyes flickered to the rival show, and she met Chad's eyes. His gaze lingered on her for a while before Sonny winced and sprinted out the door._

**Sometimes the right thing is the hard thing. **

_Something had flamed between the two, something the rest of the cast couldn't stomach. The way they looked at each other now . . . Guilty and regretful and sad and confused . . . Whatever was between them, they just couldn't take it back._

**And you have to walk away. **

"_W-What would we have done if it a-actually was s-something?" Grady asked shakily. Nico stared at the roof blankly._

"_Nothing," he said to his best friend. "We would have done absolutely nothing. Think about the show! About our friends. It just couldn't-"_

**Pain was her easy way out. **

_Letting a small whimper escape her lips, Sonny dragged her body across the room on all fours. She flipped the light switch and stared into the toilet, feeling somewhat relieved there was a way to get herself out of this._

"_One, two, three!" she whispered, throwing her head back as she slid the finger down her throat. It wasn't a pretty sight._

**Because everything was in ruins, slipping through her fingers like water. **

**She was broken. **

* * *

A/N: Its sort of my first angst story, after deleting another one which you maybe could have called angst. Oh well, it's my first prologue too, so I don't know how that went either. But I'm proud of this story and like where i think this is going, so please review if you like it. **  
**


	2. Just a Facade

**Here is the first chapter of my very dark story. I know a lot of people don't like looking at SWAC this way, but the community i live in was recently very shaken up. It just makes me all sad, and writing is how i deal with things i guess. **

**And i really quite like this story, because if Sonny's broken, _someone_ has to fix her . . . **

Sonny's heartbeat matched the patter of the rain. She traced a falling line of window against her window with a long, dainty finger and exhaled.

She grabbed a black coat, like all her clothing lately. She felt dark inside out. Empty, that's how she felt. She slid into her car, the weight heaving on her shoulders as she slumped in the warm seats. Reluctantly, she turned the engine on without so much as a word to her mother and drove away from her apartment.

Everything was in ruins, her perfect life slipping through her fingers like water. First there was little Zora, so lost and hurt since her mum died. She didn't feel like she belonged anymore. She didn't feel loved and worthy; Sonny saw that in her eyes. But no one knew what to do. Zora was, er- She was complex.

Well, Tawni was all the same. Just more out of it these days. Sonny thought there was something on her mind, but she didn't know what. She wasn't ready to know just yet anyway.

Oh, and her boys. Nico and Grady. Something had flamed between the two, something the rest of the cast couldn't stomach. The way they looked at each other now . . . Guilty and regretful and sad and confused . . . Whatever was between them, they just couldn't take it back.

And she wasn't even able to think about Chad.

Sonny smiled politely to everyone as she walked through the studio doors. She grinned and laughed and joked like the brilliant actress she was. It was all a facade, just a lie. That happy, bubbly Sonny was long gone. She missed the days when she had something to look forward to – when she had cared.

Oh how she wished she still cared.

Fake, naïve little Sonny sauntered through the doors, wasting most of the weak energy she had. She waved to Nico and Grady, who were sitting too far apart from each other. And to think they used to be best friends . . .

Tawni looked up from a magazine, but didn't acknowledge Sonny's presence. "Tawni," Sonny mumbled curtly. Tawni nodded slightly, her eyes drifting back to the page. Sonny flitted here and there, busying herself so she wouldn't have to think. She didn't like having time to think, it made everything so much more real – like a fresh blade tearing open an old cut.

Marshall watched his cast with careful eyes at rehearsal. He didn't know what had quite happened, but he knew it wasn't going to be fixed. He watched Zora hide in the shadows. He watched Nico and Grady edge further and further away from their original positions, their eyes flickering back and forth every so often. He saw Tawni clutch her stomach, and the scared look that fell over her bright face.

Marshall was scared. He was scared for these kids, who were like his own while they worked.


	3. Oh Sweetie, This Is Hollywood

**A/N: I'm so glad ya'll liked this story! I got a lot of story and author alerts when I logged onto my email today (: **

**For those who asked about my previous A/N, if you've seen it on the news a boy was killed at a high school in Queensland in Australia. It was my brother school, and if you live in America or whatnot (love that word!), it basically means we have dances together and do a lot of interschool stuff. Anyway, he was stabbed in a bathroom at 8:15 am. It really shook up their school, which a lot of my friends go to. It's just put a strain on our school lives, and everyone's sad. **

**I hope you enjoy this, and in the next few chapters we get the unimaginable . . . Just to have a cliffhanger there (:**

Sonny picked up her lunch slowly – which _she_ had made. They learnt long ago it was better to have a peanut butter sandwich for lunch than potential road kill. She tried to imitate some of the skinny girls on Mackenzie Falls. They ate like birds, nibbling on the ends of foods and leaving the rest.

Sonny sighed in frustration and finally took one big bite. She smiled at the taste on her tongue. Although, the Mackenzie falls girls had hardly touched their salads. She sunk lower in her chair, hiding her legs from view.

"You really gonna eat that?" asked a Meal Or No Meal girl, her expression smug. Sonny studied the leggy, toned brunette and sunk even lower.

"So what if I do?"

The girl laughed, twirling a lock of hazelnut brown hair and smiling sweetly. She spoke, though, like she was talking to a three year old. "Oh sweetheart. This is _Hollywood_."

"No shit, _sweetie_," Sonny snapped back acidly. She could feel her insides crumbling. Her heart raced and her head spun. She thought she was going to be sick.

The girl clapped her hands together and gave her a look that clearly stated that she was so much better than Sonny. "I'd lose some weight if I were you. I mean, come on, no body really believes that whole you're-still-beautiful-even-if-your-dress-size-is-tablecloth."

Sonny laughed bitterly as the girl walked away, but she cringed as soon as she felt alone again. Clutching her stomach, Sonny began to sweat. She wasn't fat, was she?

Nico slid out a chair and sat with her. Sonny felt like she could breathe again. Having someone there made her feel not so alone, which she already knew she was anyway. They were silent for most of the time, just happy to have someone to sit with.

"We're so fucked," Sonny whispered. Her hands trembled, and she had to grasp onto the table to keep her balance.

"So very, very fucked," Nico agreed, looking out the window.

Nico thrummed his fingers on the table for a while before stretching and standing up. Before he left though, he said, "Thankyou."

Sonny didn't have to ask what he meant, she just already knew. Thankyou for not prying, thankyou for not asking questions, thankyou for not freaking out. Even though Zora, Tawni and Sonny were already a little freaked out at the thought anyway.

It wasn't very long afterwards that she felt her chest heave. Her lank frame shivered as she heard his voice, and could smell that wonderful smell that she loved. It was everything good in the world – the smell of rain falling, baking cookies, walking into a lolly shop, newborn babies, the salty scent of the ocean on a hot day, chocolate fresh out of the packet . . .

He was everything.

And she didn't know who had blown it more.

His cocky but somehow sweet voice echoed through the room, falling on her ears like it was the most important sound in the world.

Forget about him.

_I can't. _

You don't need him.

_I miss him. _

He doesn't want you anymore. He never did.

_I know . . . _

So forget about him.

_I still can't. _

You hate him.

_I love him. _

Sonny fought with herself silently as the Mackenzie Falls table chuckled, sounding like the kings they probably were. Their show was top of the ratings, while her cast was falling apart.

Sonny jumped up suddenly, unable to take it any longer. Her eyes flickered to the rival show, and she met Chad's eyes. His gaze lingered on her for a while before Sonny winced and sprinted out the door.

She really wanted to believe they meant something again.


	4. Empty Like An Icecream Bucket

**A/N: Thought I'd just put it out there that I am extremely proud of this chapter. I hope you guys are too (:**

**I have had sooo many story alerts and favourite story emails coming in. I am so unbelievably happy that you guys do like this story! I thought it would be a major flunk because:**

**One - I'm not a very popular writer around here (yet ;) **

**And two - This story is pretty dark and gloomy. **

**People have been telling me this story has moved them a lot, which is just making me all that more happy. Ya'll are the best!  
**

**Also, I don't know if you have Sara Lee ice cream in America, but here in Australia, it is THE BEST ice cream eveeeeerrrrrr! I'm not really sure if you can throw ice cream up either, but we'll just pretend you can for now at least. It was the first indulgent thing that came to mind when I was writing. **

**Sorry, I'm giving stuff away again.  
**

Sonny's chest heaved up and down, her clothes soaked. This would be an indulgence, this would be her award. She had barely eaten in the past three days, and she could feel her body weakening already. But that was just part of the whole cycle. First she'd feel weak, but it would go away. And then she'd be as beautiful as the other girls.

Right?

Sonny attempted over and over to click the lock on her door, but her hands were shaky. With a yelp of frustration, she turned the little metal object and breathed out calmly. It was all starting to get to her head.

She placed the plastic bag on a little bedside table and looked around her dressing room cautiously. She dug a spoon out of her pocket – which she had taken from the commissary – and sat down on the floor, her back against the wall.

With a bucket of Sara Lee Rocky Road ice cream in hand, Sonny shakily tore the lid off and closed her eyes.

"One, two, three!" she counted off, digging her spoon into the delicious chocolate ice cream. She savoured the little marshmallows sliding down her throat and the crunchy chocolate-covered nuts being crushed by her teeth.

Sonny opened her eyes after too many more spoonfuls. She felt tears threaten to fall as she stared at the empty bucket. Clutching her stomach, Sonny sobbed in guilt and regret. She had eaten the whole thing.

Letting a small whimper escape her lips, Sonny dragged her body across the room on all fours. She flipped the light switch and stared into the toilet, feeling somewhat relieved there was a way to get herself out of this.

"One, two, three!" she whispered, throwing her head back as she slid the finger down her throat. It wasn't a pretty sight.

Her hot tears dripped from her cheeks and onto the floor as she flushed away her problems. Sighing in what she thought was happiness, Sonny stared at herself in the mirror.

_You're sick. You're disgusting. Just look at you_.

Sonny's head swam.

_Why are here? You don't deserve happiness. You aren't worthy. _

Sonny jumped as the sound of someone's fist banging on her door startled her. Panic trickled through her body. She threw her hands under the tap and washed them clean, spraying air freshener. She couldn't leave any evidence behind.

Closing the door quickly, Sonny unlocked her door and flung the door open. "Hello?" she smiled fakely. It was Chad. Her stomach started freefalling before she could help it.

"O-Oh! It's you," she said awkwardly.

"I heard noises," he said, a strange look in his eye. "Are you okay, Sonny?"

Her name, in the form of that voice she was so used to, made her wince. Chad noticed, but didn't say anything. It had been so long since they'd really talked.

"I'm fine," she whispered. "Anything else?"

Chad ignored her question. "I really don't think your okay."

Sonny gritted her teeth. Why couldn't he just leave her? She was dealing with this just fine. She didn't need help – especially not his! "Well I really am, Cooper. Would you just leave already?"

He ignored her again, and glanced around her room. His eyes froze on something, and Sonny had a bad feeling it wasn't something good. Turning slowly, Sonny's eyes met the object of his distraction.

Oh, shit. The empty ice cream bucket.

"Yum," he said after a long pause. "Eat it all, did you Munroe?" he joked.

Sonny's felt the fire lick through her veins. It was a terrible feeling, one that she had no control of. But it also gave new life to her body that already felt so dead. Her eyes were ablaze as she glared at the boy that, once upon a time, she had been so in love with.

"Get. Out," she hissed.

"Sonny, no-"

"_GET OUT!_" she screeched. Chad gulped, his brow furrowing in confusion. Stepping back slowly, he walked away from Sonny, leaving her all by herself. Relief and pain washed over her. Feeling like she was suffocating, Sonny hugged herself, trying to reassure.

Sonny held together the remains of herself. She was broken.


	5. It Was Nothing

**A/N: Guys, if you want me to respond to any reviews you send me you have to sign in. If you don't and you just write a name down, I can't reply. This goes out especially to someone going by the name of Kuki200 (or something like that sorry). You're asking heaps of questions I'd love to answer but I can't directly send them to you. Sorry bout that.  
**

**Anyway, in this chapter, we learn just a little bit more of what ever happened between Nico and Grady - and Zora at the end too. I think this chapter is sort of sweet, but somewhat wistful. **

**PLEEEAAAASE review. I live off your reviews. And how would i write this story if you just didn't review? Okay, so, I _may _be exaggerating. But I really do like hearing what you think.  
**

Sonny had somewhat recovered in a week's time. She wasn't talking much now (or eating, still). She decided just to sit back and think about other things, because anything had to be better than this.

One particularly bright day (the very worst weather she could hope for) Sonny was sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees in the prop house. She was hiding up near the top of the slide. She didn't want to talk to anyone, she just felt like listening.

"It was nothing, right?" came a shaky voice. Sonny shifted, peering down at her friends. Nico was leaning against the door, and Grady sitting on a stool.

"Of course," Grady replied, staring at his feet.

"Not that anything happened either, because nothing did. It's not like we _kissed_ or anything . . ." Nico trailed off, his voice rising.

"Yeah. And the nothing that happened was a long time ago. On a vacation. It's not like it even matters, especially if it's nothing. Which it is nothing, because it's not like it would be anything," Grady rambled edgily, knotting his fingers together repeatedly.

Sonny remembered that vacation. So Random! had taken a vacation away, months ago, with Mackenzie Falls. It had been beautiful and magical and the start of Sonny and Chad. That day they were at each other's throats, and that night they were making out like there was no tomorrow. Sonny wouldn't have cared if there really wasn't a tomorrow, anyway. She had been truly happy.

But now that she thought about it, that's when things started getting awkward between Nico and Grady. It hadn't been much at first, but now they couldn't bare to look into each others eyes.

That vacation had been the very start – and somehow the end – of the good things in her life.

When Zora came back, her mother was in hospital. Mrs Lancaster's future had been all too predictable. Death was the only option.

"W-What would we have done if it a-actually was s-something?" Grady trembled. Nico stared at the roof blankly.

"Nothing," he said to his best friend. "We would have done absolutely nothing. Think about the show! About our friends. It just couldn't-"

"I get it," Grady interrupted. "We did nothing, we say nothing."

"And we'll never do anything," Nico added. The two boys nodded, trudging out the door. Sonny melted. They would never get to hold hands, never get to smile at each other the way they wanted to. It was too shameful, too incomprehensible and way too wrong.

But they both wanted it.

****

Sonny had the most beautiful dream. She dreamed she was still little naïve Sonny, and that people still loved her. She dreamt that she was beautiful in a world so obsessed with fame. She dreamed Chad and her were still together, still in love. She dreamed of the past, which seemed so cruel and distant. That dream was a long way away from where she was now.

A low whimper echoed through the empty room. Sonny guessed it was late, and she wondered who would still be here. She hadn't moved since she overheard Grady and Nico today.

Sonny slipped down the slide and watched a little girl break down it tears. She watched her cry and scream and throw a gnome across the room.

"Zora?" whispered Sonny in disbelief. This wasn't the Zora she knew . . . Zora was independent and strong and tough. Not vulnerable. No, Zora would never be vulnerable.

Zora didn't hear or see Sonny, who was standing right behind her, completely stunned.

"_I HATE YOU!" _screeched the eleven-year-old. "Why did you leave?" she sobbed, sinking into a beanbag. Zora reached out for a glass vase eagerly.

"No!" squealed Sonny, snatching it out of her reach. "Are you flipping _crazy_ Zora? You'll kill yourself!"

"We'll see how she likes it then," Zora muttered under her breath. Sonny's brain clicked like a light bulb. This was about her mum.

"You're still mad at her, huh?" Sonny asked quietly, sitting down next to her little friend. Zora shrugged, wiping her face with her sleeve. Sonny nodded.

"My dad left when I was three-"

Zora narrowed her eyes. "But he's still _alive_ isn't he?"

Sonny flooded with anger, her breathing picking up in pace. "Would you rather have a parent who loved you but couldn't be here, or a parent who just didn't _want_ to be here?" she hissed.

Zora sighed. "It's just not fair."

Sonny brushed back Zora's fringe reassuringly. "I've learned, very recently in fact, that life never really is."

Zora gave her a look of understanding. Everyone understood. Everyone knew about what Chad did at that party – about Sonny running into him and some girl on _her_ bed so many nights ago. Oh, he had pleaded. He'd begged and shouted and gotten down on his knees, but she wouldn't be played by that boy again. She didn't care if he was the one boy she would ever love her whole life. She was not letting Chad Dylan Cooper back in, no matter how much her heart wanted it.

"It's not just him- No, really, its not! I don't care about him," she lied, tasting the bitterness on her tongue as she spoke about him. "It's just- It's- It's us, Zora. We aren't those happy little teenagers we were a year or so ago. Everything's all wrong," Sonny whispered. It didn't feel right to tell people how she was really feeling. It was probably because she hadn't done it in so long.

"I know," Zora replied, her skin as white as a ghost's. "I don't even know what's wrong with Tawni. A few months ago she wouldn't shut up, and now she never talks!" Sonny nodded.

"I heard her, before my- Before everything happened. I was in the vents and she was crying. She was on the phone, too. Talking about the future, and wondering what she was going to do."

Sonny thought about this for a while. A few thoughts crossed her mind, but she deemed them impossible before dwelling on them too much. "When did you last go in the vents, Zora?"

The once-crazy girl shrugged, sniffling a little. "I don't know. Few months, tops?"

Sonny exhaled. "What's our world come to?"


	6. Did I Break You?

**A/N: Not sure if anyone is still reading this story. I sort of got lost in some new projects of mine. And, er- This is hard for me to say. But I somehow got sucked into the magical world of Harry Potter, and now these HP fanfics are flooding from my brain like- uhh- I dont know, they're just coming in by the truckloads. It feels . . . strange. I was this massive Potter freak a few years ago, and I guess old habits die hard. I can't help it, okay? Those Weasly twins are just toooo sexy ;) **

**Uhmm... So, if you do read this, tell me what you think, okay? My last SWAC fanfic I grew to absolutely loathe and I ended up deleting it after a month of neglect. I'm determined to finish a multi-chap, because I've been doing too many one-shots lately.**

Sonny whipped her head around as something crunched behind her. It might've been a squirrel, or a man-eating bear . . .

She gulped. Nope, definitely worse. _Chad Dylan Cooper._

"What are you doing here?" he asked her.

Sonny looked around. She was sitting in a little park a street away from the studios. The hedges were overgrown and bushy, the trees towered above her. The swings, seesaw and slide were rusted and old. It looked like no one had been here in years, but that's why Sonny liked this spot. She really just wanted to be alone.

She sat on the remains of a fallen tree, her hair billowing in her face, watching as the sun shone every now and again from gaps in the scarily tall trees.

"I could very well ask you the same question."

Chad crouched onto the rotting log, sitting so close she could feel his body heat. She didn't dare look into those beautiful eyes. She was scared of getting lost in them like all those times before.

"I saw your car." She watched him shrug in her peripheral vision. The wind taunted and tangled his golden hair, ruffling it so it mixed with her strands of chestnut brown. "Are you okay?"

"Since when do you care?" she asked. "Chad Dylan Cooper never _cares_ – except for himself, of course. He's made of stone, Chad Dylan Cooper. He's black and heartless. He doesn't have the _ability _to care about someone!"

Chad bit his lip at her bitter remark. It was then that she made her mistake. Sonny looked into his blue eyes and her breath hitched in her throat. It was the best blue in the world! It was every blue, but just one colour. She swore at herself inwardly for thinking about him, but she couldn't help it.

"Yeah, I hear he's a real jerk," he agreed, sighing.

Sonny scoffed. _Oh, so he's caring _and_ guilty now_?

"I'll say," she replied with a smirk. Chad didn't deny it, though she truthfully hadn't expected him too.

"You know I'm sorry, right?" he asked quietly, twirling a twig through his fingers. Sonny wasn't really sure she was mad still, which only made her angry at herself. She _should_ still be mad at him – the lying, cheating jerk.

-

_Sonny's pulse thudded with adrenaline. The golden lights sparkled in her doe eyes. She grinned brightly at Nico and Grady, their hands full of food. She chuckled to herself. Those guys never changed. _

_Tawni clomped by in her high heels, her pink dress setting of her blond hair like a mane of gold. Sonny nodded at her, while Tawni gave her a tight-lipped half smile. It wasn't much, but it was a little signal of, er- affection? Friendship, maybe? _

_Sonny smiled at the studio. She had taken Marshall up on that offer to put together a prom – but I wasn't really a prom. It was a party, to celebrate certain new bonds formed between the casts. Chad and Sonny together (_finally)_ meant that new ties were formed. Their relationship looped and laced through the hate. _Mackenzie Falls_ couldn't just insult Sonny, and _So Random!_ couldn't keep playing tricks on Chad. _

_As those thoughts crossed her mind, Sonny wondered where oh where her beautiful boyfriend was. Her fingers closed around the tiny silver locket hanging from her neck. A smile played on her lips. It was small, shining and breath-taking. It wasn't very big, but Chad knew she liked that. She wasn't one much for diamonds and glitter. _

_Sonny left the set, letting the music and voices fade away. The breeze drifted down the hallways, rustling her chocolate hair. Sonny's hand rested on the doorhandle of her dressing room as she sighed exhaustedly. _

_Pushing the door slightly ajar, Sonny heard whispers. Her stomach fell, and her heart stopped beating that very second. The moment was so bitter that she wanted to laugh. Feeling absolutely dead, Sonny shook her head. Tawni had warned her. _

Watch out, Sonny, he's a player! He isn't as good as you think.

_Sonny had shaken off the caution carelessly. Chad loved her. Even now, while she watched him now half-naked with another girl, she didn't doubt it. He might love her, but it didn't stop her from hurting her. _

_Feeling like the wisest woman in the studio, Sonny trudged away. She left Chad, and every good thing that came with him, behind in her dressing room that night. _

-

Sometimes, Sonny walked into her dressing room and expected to feel that happiness again. Maybe she had literally left it behind, and she still just hadn't found it. Maybe it was hiding behind a chair, or caught underneath a vase of flowers.

Or maybe, her life was absolutely pathetic.

"Do you think it matters that you're sorry, Chad? Months later, when everything else has fallen apart?"

Chad bit his lip. "No, I- Everything else?"

Sonny gulped, realising her mistake. "Never mind. I just meant our relationship."

Chad didn't say anything else. The once-happy-couple sat alone, remembering all the sweet memories they had together. Sonny remembered how in love she had been, and Chad remembered how much she had loved him. To Sonny, it seemed a distant thing to love.

"Sonny, tell me, what happened that night I caught you, er- In your room? What were you doing, exactly? What were you hiding?"

Chad's questions overwhelmed her, so she took a second to breathe. _In and out, in and out_.

"Nothing," she croaked, a hand creeping up to her chest to feel her heart beat. The pulse was unsettling. She didn't really have anything to hide. No, it's not like this was a _problem_ or anything.

"Sonny," said Chad, trying to reason with her. "If you- If you're feeling, er-"

"Fuck off, Chad," she hissed. "Mind your own business."

Chad's eyes were dark with worry. His face remained blank, and his body still. He had fought for Sonny so hard after what he did. He really had. He'd clawed at the memories, trying to piece together everything they once were. But she refused to ever let him in, and so eventually, he gave up. It hurt to give up, and it made him feel numb.

Giving up meant all hope of him getting her back was gone.

Chad didn't know what it was, honestly. It was like a sick little game he had going. No matter how much he loved her, he couldn't stop himself from hurting her. He needed to hurt her more than he wanted to be with her. He sickened himself, but it was his most favourite guilty pleasure. Sonny had been the one he'd thought about that whole night, but Chad couldn't walk away.

The thought of Sonny sitting there, waiting for him at the party was a sickening yet pleasing one.

Chad gulped. He'd trade every night with all those girls right now to tell her the truth, how much she meant to him. But he couldn't, because he was Chad Dylan Cooper, and he was player.

Besides, she would never believe him anyway.

Chad wanted to touch her, to be able to claim her. He wanted to tell Hollywood to back the hell off Sonny Munroe. He could see cracks in her little life forming – he just didn't know how big, or why. He had a feeling he'd had a big part in it though.

"Did I do it?" he asked quietly.

Sonny's head snapped up, her warm eyes confused. "Do what?" she murmured, not looking away from his face.

"Was I the one who made you sad? Did I make the smile fade from your face? Did I break you, Sonny?"

Sonny laughed a quiet, bitter laugh. She stood up gracefully, shaking her head so her brown hair covered her sad face. Taking a few strides towards her car, Sonny replied. "Oh, Cooper, you have no idea."


	7. I'm So Stuffed

**A/N: Wowee. This is a short chapter, even for me. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm lazy. **

**But I had to insert a cliffhanger. Didn't want to be boring, did I? **

**(:  
**

Sonny hummed quietly to herself. It was getting easier every day, really. She had barely eaten breakfast before – and now that she was so tired, she never got out of bed until late anyway. At lunch, instead of bringing homemade meals, Sonny just told her friends she'd eat when she got home instead. Dinner was a slightly bigger problem, especially when her mother was having a bad day. Connie would burst into tears, mumbling about Sonny looking sick. So Sonny would swallow the dinner, and then throw it up less than ten minutes later.

Her mother, on the rare occasions she had a chance to speak with Sonny, would murmur almost inaudible things about Sonny getting too thin. She said Sonny had an _issue_ with her body. Damn straight she did, she _still _wasn't losing enough weight.

But the young actress never listened to words of warning from her Mum, nor the comments from Marshall and Zora. _"Have you lost weight Sonny? You don't look too good." _

What was she, stupid? Of course not. She _knew_ she hadn't lost weight. Look at this fat on her stomach! Did anyone _see_ it? And her thighs, well they were ridiculous. She noticed how when Tawni smiled, her cheeks didn't look chubby. Sonny's definitely looked chubby.

Sonny made a promise to herself to never smile again. She looked _disgusting_.

Sonny sat at the _So Random!_ table, a bottle of water in hand. A Meal Or No Meal girl, the same one who had been the very reason for Sonny's diet, passed her and nodded appreciatively.

"So you've learned," the beautiful young showgirl complimented, taking the seat next to Sonny.

"This is Hollywood," Sonny muttered, quoting her companion from the first day they'd talked.

The tanned brunette smirked. "Indeed it is. And it's dangerous. I'm Annie," said Annie, holding out a long, delicate hand. Sonny shook it once.

"Sonny Munroe, misery extraordinaire."

With a light laugh, Annie nodded. "So how did you do it?"

"Do what?" Sonny asked, sitting up in her chair. How did she remainso horribly fat while dieting? Because Sonny didn't know the answer to that one.

"Lose the weight, baby cakes?" Annie asked, bouncing in her seat. Sonny wondered how she could possibly remain so happy while fighting her weight. Not that Annie was fat – Annie was perfectly beautiful. But clearly, she wanted to maintain that.

"I haven't lost any weight," shrugged Sonny. Was everyone blind around here?

Annie shrugged, drifting off in the other direction. "Bye, Sonny."

Sonny didn't reply.

She was deep in thought when something clattered beside her. Tawni sat down with a _thud_. It was the closest Tawni had been to anyone in days. Sonny, amidst all her own problems, was still kind of worried about Tawni. Nothing kept a Hart down, right?

"Sonny?" Tawni called casually. Her voice was croaky and thick, as though she'd just stopped crying.

"Yeah, Tawn'?"

"I'm so stuffed," she mumbled, her bright eyes filled with panic.

**More A/N: Soooo? Whaddya think? Tell me. It's pretty simple really. See, you drag that little clicker thing of yours down to the pretty green button, then you click on it, and then you write some awfully nice things about how wonderful I am. **

**Kidding - er, sorta. Anyway, do review please. **


	8. Pieces of the Puzzle

**A/N: Kay well, these are just little chapters in which we find out what happened to Tawni, among other things. They were too short to put on their own, so I sort of tied them together in the one day.**

**I'm excited. Next few chapters is some NicoGrady woo hoo! I sorta like writing about Nico and Grady, cause they're the sweetest thing in this story. And what else is in store? Is that a smile i see? **

**You betcha. **

**Anyhoo, hope you lot haven't abandoned me and still sorta want to read my writing. If you do, you are the most lovely person in the world. **

**I have no fox and no internet. I had to beg my mum to let me use her mobile broadband thingeroo. I was desperate, I was like "BUT FANFICTION!"  
**

Sonny sat in her dressing room, Tawni curled up on the seat next to her. Sonny couldn't bare to sit on that couch, not after-

"I'll lose my job, Sonny! This is the end! I've ruined my life. _He's_ ruined my life," Tawni hissed bitterly. "Pregnant! Pregnant at bloody _eighteen, _Sonny!"

The blond cried. Sonny had a feeling Tawni had been bottling this up for quite a while now. It had been the same night Chad had cheated on her, which Sonny found somewhat ironic and bitter. Tawni had been drunk of her arse, of course, but she hadn't meant to go so far with James Conroy.

"Of course, James Conroy," sighed Sonny once Tawni had told her. Well, it was a little hard to understand with Tawni's words with the constant sobs erupting from her throat.

Everything had made sense then, though. The signs were so obvious Sonny was surprised she hadn't figured it out. Suddenly, she felt guilty for not being there for her sort-of-maybe-kind-of friend.

"It's not the end of your life, Tawni. It's the start of someone else's," Sonny mumbled, for she couldn't think of anything else to say.

Tawni glared at Sonny. Clearly, it hadn't been a good thing to say. "What are you going to do, then?" Sonny asked instead.

"I haven't thought about it, honestly. I don't want it- I don't want _him_ inside of me. He's a sick bastard, James Conroy. But I could never ever a- ab-" Tawni choked on the word. Sonny slapped her hand over Tawni's mouth.

"You don't have to say it."

Tawni's eyes gleamed with the next lot of tears threatening to fall. She looked horribly pale, and breakable. It was the side of Tawni Hart Sonny would've never thought she'd see.

*

Sonny followed Tawni to commissary silently. Because although Sonny was rather broken herself right now, Tawni's problem was bigger. Tawni's problem was breathing, living, and growing apparently.

"I'll be going up in dresses sizes, soon," Tawni whispered, her eyes haunted. "The costume people will know straight away. They'll tell Marshall, who'll let it slip accidently to Mr Condor, who'll have me packing the second he finds out."

"Don't be so damn pessimistic," had been Sonny's helpful reply. Though, she couldn't really see anything positive about this situation at all. Maybe once upon a time, she would have said something like, "But think of how beautiful he'll be!"

But not now. There was nothing optimistic left in plastic, fake Hollywood now.

Sonny's throat and stomach burned at the smell of the Mackenzie Falls' food. It was mouth-watering. It might have been a miracle from God himself.

Sonny could _taste_ the calories on her tongue.

She could _breathe _them. Was that possible? Surely, the calories must sneak through your nose unsuspectedly, making you gain weight.

Sonny's head swam as she remembered all those times she'd inhaled at the sweet scents around her. Was _that_ why she was so fat?

Feeling horribly overwhelmed, Sonny sucked in one last breath and fled the room. Tawni watched her go, confused.

Chad was standing behind the now pregnant blond, a steak in hands. Tossing it to Tawni, Chad sprinted after Sonny. He was beginning to understand this a little more.

*

Screams echoed down the hallways. Chad's breathing was heavy and unsettled. Sonny let out another ear-piercing cry before throwing a dress across the room.

"_So fucking fat_," she sobbed.

Chad watched her from the crack in her door, his heart hammering. This wasn't Sonny Munroe, and she hadn't been Sonny for a long time.

Sonny's legs finally gave way. She sunk to the floor, her hair sticking to her pale face. She was gasping for air, staring down at her legs in front of her.

Panting, the brunette crawled from her spot to the bathroom, not bothering to shut the door. Chad grimaced as he heard the unmistakable sound of Sonny bringing all her food back up – even though there _wasn't_ any food to reproduce anyway. She hadn't eaten since Monday, and it felt so good.

Chad was stuck on what to do. Go in and confront her? What would she do then? Surely this wasn't all about food. There had to be more.

The lines of reality blurred, and Sonny couldn't tell what was there and what was not. "You're disgusting," she whispered to herself, half-unconscious.

After a long pause, in which Chad was almost certain Sonny had fallen asleep, he crept in and nestled her into his arms.

It was a hard thing to watch a girl like Sonny Munroe break down. It went against everything that the world was.

Chad put her down gently on a couch, throwing a blanket over her shivering body. It wasn't even cold.

**So if you want this story to continue (I do!) then reviewreviewreview. **

**Much love and affection, LivingInImaginary**


	9. Let's Pretend

**A/N: Did I promise NicoGrady? Because if I didn't, I meant to. Anyway, I've been getting ahead really far, and I'm up to what I think will end up being the darkest part in the story. Not for the faint hearted, I think. Not that it's going to be _too_ dark- Well, you'll just have to wait and see. **

**Anyhoo, this chapter and next, lets call it _'New, Unexperienced and Unspoken Intimacy Between Two Friends'. _No, not intimacy, we'll call it love. Ugh, we'll just drop the whole thing. It all sounds wrong in my head anyways. **

**Enjoy (: **

Nico was strolling through the sets – trying not to run into Grady. It's not like he didn't _want_ to see Grady – heck, that's probably the only thing he wanted to do. But truthfully, he was terrified of that awkward silence. And he didn't even know if Nico wanted to talk to him either, which made his chest sink and his shoulders slump.

He'd been rejected before, but not by a guy, and _definitely _not by Grady.

Nico hummed softly to himself. It was a little obvious what was going on – he was almost sure Sonny had worked it out. Zora was too naïve, and Tawni was just too selfish. Sonny was incredibly smart like that, she just knew.

He sort of felt guilty, though; he had no idea what was wrong with her. The whole cast knew about Zora feeling all lonely and sad, that one wasn't hard to figure out. He had suspicions about Tawni, but he hadn't dared say anything. Yet, Nico still couldn't figure out what was biting Sonny.

Okay, so 'biting' wasn't the best word. Sonny was a zombie now. She was dead, and always cold. She was shedding weight like a sheep being sheared.

Nico shook his head. Had he _really_ just made a sheep analogy?

Anyway, Sonny looked horrible. She didn't have to arc her spine anymore to see her spine – it was just there. Her collarbones stuck out like sharply, and her cheekbones were getting too defined to be beautiful.

All her clothes were about a size to baggy. She had stopped bringing lunch weeks ago.

So maybe it wasn't so hard to figure out.

But come on? Sonny Munroe a weight-losing freak? Nico deemed it impossible. It was like . . . like Grady and Nico. They were pretty damn impossible.

And yet somehow, all these insane feelings were still there.

Nico kicked a piece of paper across to the _Mackenzie Falls'_ set. It stopped suddenly as it hit someone's shoe. Nico looked up into those bright, pale blue eyes. Suddenly, he felt the need to study his feet a little more, and looked down furiously.

"Hi," mumbled Grady, who was still waiting for Nico to look him in the eyes.

"Hi," Nico replied, his face flooding with heat.

"How are ya, man?" Grady grinned, slapping his supposed-best-friend on the back. "How'd that sketch go?"

Nico watched Grady incredulously. There was no way he was doing this to him. There was just _no way. _"Er- Fine I suppose?" Nico replied, his face still etched with confusion.

Something caught the blond comedian's eye. "Good, good. Well, got to go man, bye!" Grady grinned, wandering of in the other direction. Nico watched weakly as Grady wrapped an arm around that Meal Or No Meal girl he'd danced with at Sonny's secret prom.

Fuming, Nico stormed into the_ Mackenzie Falls_ set and searched for a certain dark-haired girl.

"Hey Portlyn, what are you doing tonight?"

**How was that?**

**Sad, sappy? **

**Do you guys like NicoGrady?**

**I couldn't see it really happening, but I love it all the same. **

**If you guys want these chapters up, do review (: **


	10. Four Fifths

**A/N:Okay, I'm pissed. I'm really pissed. I update maybe two days ago, and I know people are reading it because me and my story is getting alerted like crazy. But no one reviewed. Guys, it sucks when you don't review. I feel like a vain cow begging for reviews, but its not that hard is it? I like this story. Its angsty, and the show itself will never really show that prospect on here. **

**It makes me feel like no one wants to read my story. I wanna be a writer when I get older, and my biggest fear is that I'll drown in the industry. Really, this site is like a dream to me, and I am praying people think I'm good.**

**Sorry about that. Didn't want to be all dramatic and whatever, but I guess I am. **

**Anyway, I have finally finished this story on my pc. I'm excited (: The ending isn't suicidal, if you were wonderin, but I'm not saying anything more.**

**Also, if there are any typos, ignore them. I'm typing one one of those tiny laptop notebook things, and the keys are really frustrating.**

**Also: Chapter ten! Woo hoo!!!**

Sonny sat beside Nico in the prop house, her legs brought to her chest and her arms wrapped around herself. Nico looked so tired and sad that Sonny immediately felt pulled down into his gloom.

"You want to talk about it?" Sonny asked quietly.

Nico shrugged, though his eyes told a different story. "What's there to talk about?"

Sonny shrugged too. She didn't really want to force him into saying anything, but she was itching to know. It was a good feeling caring about something else, like maybe there was still a little bit of the old sunny Sonny left in her empty body.

"I have a date tonight," Nico said slowly, like he wasn't sure he should really be telling her. Sonny didn't know what to say. She knew about Nico and Grady and whatever complicated emotions they shared, but going on a _date_? It just seemed-

"With Portlyn," he added, looking away.

Sonny shot him a disappointed look. "Nico-"

"Don't lecture me, Sonny!" he snapped. "I know what I'm doing. It's pretty damn clear what _he_ wants, so what's the point? What's the point in even _thinking_ . . ." Nico drifted off. He couldn't wrap his head around it. It just wouldn't happen, it was unfathomable.

Nico Harris was _definitely not gay_.

But yet, here he is.

"I'll tell you what the point is, Nico!" Sonny huffed. "The fact is, he's absolutely terrified, okay? You think he expected this either? No. No one did, to be honest. So he's trying to trick himself – and you too – into thinking that he doesn't care, when he does. He cares a lot. You should see the looks you get, Nico Harris!"

Nico edged away. What had gotten into this girl? There hadn't been any emotion in her face for months, and now she was getting all defensive about love!

He had a small suspicion it had to do with a certain blond-haired, three named jerk who she _still _hadn't gotten over.

"Are you- Are you jealous, Sonny?"

"Of you? No, not really. Grady's not, er- _my type,"_ Sonny said, wrinkling her nose.

"I don't have a _type_, Sonny! It's not like I walk along the streets checking out guys' butts or anything!" Nico hissed. Sonny shrugged, looking slightly amused. "Shut up!" he mumbled.

"I didn't say anything."

Nico glared daggers at her.

"What's all the fuss?" came Tawni's bright voice, dulled by her misery.

"I think I just laughed. It was quiet, but I did. You have no idea how long it's been," Sonny smiled, as though she was describing a great old friend of hers.

"Tawni, Sonny's still in love with _it_, isn't she?" Nico asked, whirling around to face the blond. Her eyes looked bruised, and her skin was pale, but she was still glamorous Tawni Hart.

There was a small scoff from behind them, but Tawni and Nico ignored it. "Duh," Tawni replied, crossing her legs as she sat down.

The vent slid open before Sonny could argue. "Hey," Zora mumbled weakly.

"We're all together," Sonny stated quietly. "Except-"

"He's with some girl," Nico said abruptly. No body said anything. Apparently, they knew very well of what was going on between the two boys.

For now, they were just four fifths. Never a whole, just a fraction. Sonny never had liked fractions, and yet she was here, split into many, many pieces. She wondered whether they ever would be one whole again. Or four quarters, or two halves, or eight eights . . .

"Well, I suppose I should probably drop the bomb – or whatever that stupid saying is. I mean, who's _literally_ going to drop a bomb?" Sonny shot her a look to hint that she should stop rambling. "Right, okay, well, er- I-I 'm pregnant."

Nico nodded. So it _was _true then. Zora's face looked surprised, though Sonny wondered if the little thirteen-year-old actually knew how pregnancy happened. Zora was a bright kid, but a bit out of it sometimes.

"Call it Gnome," Zora said after a long silence. Tawni scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"I don't even know what I'm doing with this _thing_," she muttered, pointing to her gradually growing stomach. "But if I do happen to give it a name, it _won't_ be Gnome."

"Why? It could grow a little beard, and we could give it a little pointy hat-"

"It's not a dress up doll, Zora!" Tawni shrieked, horrified. She placed her arms around her abdomen protectively. "You will _not_ go near my baby!"

Tawni's three cast mates exchanged looks of approval.

"What?"

"You're going to be a great Mum, Tawn'," Sonny whispered. She couldn't believe it, but Tawni's eyes really started to water.

Choking on her tears, Tawni grinned. "I'm good at everything, aren't I?"

**Whaddya think? **

**I don't want to keep uploading if now one tells me hows it going. Whats the point if no one wants to read itt? **


	11. Help

**A/N: Yo guys are amazing. You're beautiful. Bless you all. You guys were so kind in your reviews, I was dancing around the room. I'm not kidding, I was _dancing around the room._ It's what I do when I'm happy. **

**I'm thinking about writing in an entry for a 'Friends with Benefits' challenge. Sounds good, hey? Whaddya guys think?**

**Not much else to say today. I can tell you all up, this is gonna be about twenty chaps. We're half way there!! (:**

Sonny sat in her room silently. It had been a long day, and her body was exhausted. Sonny did notice she was a _little_ thinner – she didn't have grandma arms and she wasn't so chubby when she smiled.

It was alright, but it wasn't good enough. _She_ wasn't good enough.

She didn't know what the time was, or whether her mother was in bed, but she wasn't going to go making any mistakes.

_Perfect people don't make mistakes_. Sonny had to be perfect. She didn't know why, honestly, but she did. Her body ached to lose weight, like a craving.

Reaching under bed, Sonny snatched her scales and tucked them under her arms. She was being as silent as possible, like a thief in the night. It wasn't a crime to be beautiful though, was it? Sonny locked her bathroom door. She didn't have much to throw up today, as she had only had a portion of the tiny salad her mother had made her today.

It took her a while to be able to look at the scales. Every chance she got, she'd coax herself into looking at those deadly little numbers, and the result itself would be enough to make her sick.

Sonny closed her eyes as she stepped onto the hard, cold metal scales.

"F- F- F-" Sonny couldn't bring herself to say it. She hurtled for the toilet, throwing the lid open and doing what she needed to do.

Flushing it and throwing the scales angrily under her bed, Sonny collapsed. She was so _sick _of this. The world was so obsessed with being beautiful, with being amazing. She just wasn't good enough, and she couldn't measure up to the standards. She was so sick of pressure, pain and living up to expectations.

She was so sick of Hollywood.

Sonny hadn't heard her mother came in. She hadn't noticed her mother slide and arm around her daughter's shoulders.

"Sonny, sweetheart-"

"What, Mum?" Sonny said harshly, though almost silently.

"I came to help you-"

Sonny laughed. Was her dear mother _stupid_? "I don't _need_ help, you know. I'm almost eighteen! I'll be an adult soon, and then I'll be O – U – T, _out_ of here!"

Connie Munroe looked taken aback, but didn't give up. "Sonny! I don't even know who you are anymore! I want _my daughter_ back. Look at you- You're s- skin and bones, S- Sonny. You're going to _kill_ yourself if you keep this up."

"_I DON'T NEED HELP!_**"** Sonny screeched, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I'M FINE! Really, I'm just _fine_."

Connie gave her an apprehensive look. Groaning, Sonny stormed out of her room.

"Where are you going?" Connie asked anxiously.

"Out."

"For how long?"

"Dunno'."

"Please stay."

Sonny looked her mother straight in the eyes. "No. Bye," she grunted before slamming the door behind her.

She didn't need help! Why did people keep telling her that?! Getting 'help' was for loons. It was for people with real issues – like brain damage and hallucinations. You don't need help just for being fat.

Sonny was fine. She was so friggan fine, she was beyond fine. She was absolutely brilliant.

Sonny closed her eyes and wished for just a second she could relax into someone's arms, someone who didn't think she was crazy and someone who would kiss her tears away.

Someone like Chad.

But she would never, _ever_ go back to Chad. Not in this lifetime. She would never ask that cheating, lying, unworthy jerk for help, because Sonny Munroe _did not need help._

Tears fell from her eyes, over her cold cheeks and down her chest. Help, maybe it wasn't such a bad thing.

**Aw, pretty sad and lonley, eh?**

**Remember, you're all amazing. **

**Review.**

**x, LivingInImaginary.**


	12. Of Promises and Little Lies

**A/N: Are you guys ready for this? Are you _really_? Because I warn you, intense chapter ahead. It might make you cry. It will make you sad. **

**I'm immensely proud of this chapter, but I'm still going to let you know, this is probably the darkest point the story will reach. Read ahead if you dare. **

Sonny ran. She ran and ran until her breathing became heavy and dangerous. Her heart was unsettled, sending her body into overdrive.

Each stride was a stride for perfection. One step: _must be skinny_. Another step_: must be beautiful_. One more step: _must be loved._

Sonny felt free as she ran, liking every time her feet touched the ground, she'd only jump higher. Soon enough, she'd be way above the earth, where she could drift as she liked, ever happy.

Panting, Sonny hit the ground. Her body ached, but just the thought of moving hurt more. If she was right, and she wasn't hallucinating, she was at the park.

The grass tickled her sides as she fought to breathe. It was all part of the plan – don't eat, do exercise.

Perfection, perfection, perfection.

*

Sonny would _never_ do this. She had promised, sworn to God she never would. Hollywood could break her, shred her even, but she would never be swallowed whole. She would never be dragged into the deepest pit of darkness, the unending empty tunnel. Sonny would never go, and if she did, she'd fight to stay with her fingers digging into the ground. Because that's the girl Sonny is.

That's the girl she used to be.

Sonny was clasping for the edge, she was holding on by the tips of her fingers. Every day she slipped further and further into that whole of hate and sadness and worry, and everyday it became harder to pretend she was really standing on firm, flat ground.

Nico had promised her things would be okay. She had told him things already were okay, and that her life was worriless. Sonny lied to him, straight and blunt.

She seemed to be lying an awful lot these days.

"You look skinny Sonny," would be finished with a, "I guess I'm just filling out," or "Really? I haven't noticed."

"Are you okay?" She'd reply, "I'm fine, thank you, why do you ask?"

"I'm worried about you." That one had been tough, because a lump would grow in her throat and her gut would ache. They _shouldn't _worry about her. But they did, because they were horribly observant people. But she'd swiftly mutter a "Why?" as if this concern was ridiculous.

Until now, everyone worrying about her _had_ been ridiculous. But now Sonny was seeing things more clearly, and the beauty she was working on was fading faster than the weight was. She studied the little pink rose on her ring, blooming and blossoming in pearl and gold glory. It was by far the best piece she owned, and by far the most precious.

Chad had given it to her. He'd explained that she was every bit as beautiful as that ring, and she had gushed with gratitude, as the ring was absolutely gorgeous.

But there were other things about the ring. It was _fake_, it wasn't _real_. She twirled the ring around her finger, watching as it shone in the light. The more she looked at it, the less beautiful it became. The gold band gleamed on her long, bony finger. It hung much looser than it did last time she had worn it (six weeks ago) and it fell to the floor with a tiny _thud_.

Sonny didn't give the ring a second thought.

She had become so entranced in her lies and her fake beauty that it all seemed real now. Waking up from this wonderful, made up world made everything look ugly. Especially her, because Sonny was horrifyingly ugly.

It was with a small smile that she held the razor gingerly in her fingers, staring straight ahead as she did so. She watched herself in the mirror. She was so _frustrated_.

Why the _fuck_ wasn't she beautiful?

It was then that Sonny didn't care whether she was fake or not, because beauty was a hard thing. She would take what she could get, because it didn't feel like she was getting anywhere now.

Sonny closed her eyes, and un-promised the promise she had fought so hard for.

Her eyes closed, like a porcelain angel, Sonny shakily pressed the razor against her skin gently. It was a bare touch; she hardly felt the blades cross her skin. It took her a second to compose herself, but with another strike, Sonny felt it.

She felt _everything_ then.

Every horrible emotion she had experienced these past months – fear, empty, sad, overwhelm, frustration, anger, depression, alone – they all came flooding back. Each emotion was like a blow to the face, like a rusted knife through her abdomen.

And yet, feeling all these emotions was enough. At least now, she could actually _feel_ something, and it gave her power. She was in control now, in control of her feelings. She was in control of the tears and the whimpers. She was getting in control of the weight, as each kilo shed.

Sonny gasped as she dropped the razor hastily. That was enough for now. She had felt _too _much. She bit back tears, but they just kept falling. And all of a sudden, Sonny felt very out of control.

**Did I warn you? I warned you. **

**How was that? What's gonna happen next? Are you guys sad now? **

**I love to hear your ideas. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Review, x. **


	13. Agreement

**Okay, just a little insight into what's going on with Grady. **

**Next chapter the plot picks up, and after that its drama, drama, drama. (Which you all know you love). **

**Enjoy, x. **

Grady was pacing around the prop house, absolutely fuming. His blond hair was flying in all directions, and his blue eyes darting from Sonny to the floor.

"He was practically _eating her face_, Sonny!" Grady hissed, taking a few forceful strides.

Sonny sighed, crossing her legs. "Grady-"

"In brood daylight! With a _Mackenzie Falls_ cast member! Can you believe it?"

"Grady! You didn't mind this much when _I _started going out with Chad," Sonny challenged. Her fingers absentmindedly running over the scar on her left wrist, making her wince. She had been trying to hide it, she really had. Every day she wore bangles and bracelets and bands until they piled up to her elbow. She was so afraid someone would see. She didn't want anyone to know.

Hurting herself made her weak, and unstable. It made her worthy of getting _help_, which she was still scared of. But it also dirtied her. She was marked, now, by that gash across her wrist. She felt wrong and sick and unworthy.

"Yeah, but you and Chad were _made_ for each other, Sonny! Portlyn and Nico? It's just- It's all wrong!"

Sonny fought back the smile. "So who do you suggest he belongs with, then?"

Grady started to speak, but choked on his words immediately. He seemed at lost, which made it that much harder for Sonny to stop grinning. "I- I dunno'. Just not her. She's- She's a skanky, rude cow. He should-"

"Whoa, okay, hold it there buddy. Might I remind you that _you_ were the one who left for that _Meal or No Meal _blond. Yeah, and you also weren't here when the four of us had a group meeting. Did you know Tawni's pregnant? Don't give me that look, she is! With _James Conroy!_ And while we all comforted her, I bet you were making out with that girl."

Grady gaped at Sonny. "I- Er- Well, we-"

With a triumphant _humph_, Sonny stood up to leave.

"Sonny?"

"Yeah, Grady?"

"It doesn't matter, you know. You can try and try, but you can't force us together. I'm not- We're not- You know, we're not like _that_. We're going to move on."

"Did you agree on that with Nico?" Sonny asked, raising an eyebrow. Nico was still sulky, and so Sonny had the impression the boys weren't talking.

"Not- Not exactly, I suppose."

"Well then, I think you should tell him that, not me. I don't think either of you plan on moving on anytime soon, quite frankly," Sonny said. She bounded out the door before Grady could argue, leaving him to ponder over her words.

**ReviewReviewReview, oh please. **


	14. You Always End Up Alone

**A/N: Ah, I'm just having one of those days, ya know? **

**Where you can't stop listening to sad songs, when your head hurts, when you feel all emotional, when nothing seems to go right. I'm fine, I'm just extremely tired. **

**Anyway, enough of my complaining (although, I probably could complain some more). This was originally two chapters, but that didn't satisfy me because I don't _really _like the first bit, but it was sort of part of the main plot. So yeah, here it is, probably my longest chapter (I'd like to write longer chapters, but I'm simply not that patient). **

**Enjoy. **

Everyone's lips were repeating the same word; _party. _It was this great magnificent party, one for all of Hollywood. Apparently, according to Annie, the Jonas Brothers were invited but if Miley went, they were out. Annie seemed to know this all, because of course, Annie was perfection.

"So, tell me more about this 'party'," Sonny said, adding air quotes.

"Oh, honey, it's _huge_! I swear, all the teenagers are going. And make sure you look beautiful, because the paps are all over us like bugs," Annie gushed, waving her hands madly in the air. Her freckled, fresh face was clean and pure, and yet so alarmingly charming.

Annie curled a chestnut strand around her hair innocently. Sonny very much doubted she'd be able to pull that off.

"What are you wearing then?"

Annie bit her lip, weighing options in her head for a minute. Finally, she jumped up, yanking on Sonny's arm and dragging her from the commissary to the _Meal or No Meal_ set. Sonny passed the large set, her eyes incredibly wide as she took in the giant screen and the glittering lights.

Annie flung open a white door behind the stage and grinned for a second. "Wait here," she ordered, pointing to a long, leather couch before bounding threw yet another set of doors.

Sonny waited, taking in the room. It was huge, with wall-sized windows facing out towards the lively Hollywood city. The sun was setting beyond those nine, gigantic letters. The room was painted gold, and the rays beaming through the window sparkled spontaneously off the rich hues. There were flowers and one of those pretty window's ledge chairs and a big vanity – the room was made for beauty, for the rich. Sonny's was made for a 'funky' kind of girl.

Annie twirled out of the two glass French doors, looking the most beautiful Sonny had every seen her. A rich, forest green gown hung delicately over her thin frame. It was loose from the thin straps down the waistline, where it clung to her bony hips effortlessly. The skirt of the dress flowed so effortlessly behind her it made Sonny hurt.

"You look- Wow. You just look amazing," Sonny whispered, studying the beautiful silky fabrics like they were gold. The tones set off Annie's bronzed skin so perfectly, and though her hair and makeup weren't professionally done, her thick curls hung down her shoulders and contrasted wonderfully.

"Ta," Annie smiled from behind the glass doors. "So anyway, this party is big. You can bet there will be heaps of girls trying to make their way in, trying to get a chance with Chad-"

"Dylan Cooper. Yeah, I'll bet," Sonny muttered, though the thought stung. Chad wouldn't pick up any girls, would he? Although, she wasn't really being fair. She had been the one to cut him out, and for good reason too. She wasn't going to put herself through the drama of guys until she knew she was perfect, and stable too.

Sonny had been too on edge to concentrate on anything after the razor incident. It was an _incident, _not a _problem_.

Sonny didn't _have_ a _problem_.

Anyway, Tawni had been pretty annoyed with her. Nico had tried to joke it was her hormones, but this just agitated Tawni even more (_"I'd like to see _you_ pregnant_!").

"What are you going to wear?" Annie asked, emerging from what appeared to be her closet. Sonny could tell it was huge, and extravagant, and didn't dare look inside. It would hurt if she saw the beautiful things she would never own.

"I don't know," Sonny mumbled, staring at her nails.

"Well, you better hurry up, baby, because this is _it_. This is what Sonny Munroe has been working for," Annie said, striding out of her room.

Sonny sat alone, promising to herself her dress would be equally as elegant and stunning as Annie's dress. And this time, she wouldn't break it.

*

Sonny found a dress. It was beautiful and long and extravagant, and she knew she would look amazing in it. It was black and daring and dark, sort of like her. Well, the new her, which was losing sight of who the old her was. Old Sonny was drifting away slowly, everyday growing more and more out of reach.

The last party she went to had been the worst day of her life, so Sonny was still a little edgy. Especially with Chad there all the time, watching her carefully, guessing about her life.

Sonny didn't want to show Annie the dress, for she feared Annie would hate it. If Annie hated it, the rest of the world probably would too, and Sonny didn't have the money to buy another dress.

Tawni already had her dress picked out (one that hung loose, not showing her new curves). Nico still didn't want to go, because Grady would be there with his new 'girlfriend', as the rumours said. Zora was probably too young, but she didn't want to stay at her home. Sonny had a feeling she hadn't been staying in her house, anyway.

"No," Nico said, before Tawni had even had the chance to speak.

"You think _you_ have it bad, Nico? I have to walk around with _devil spawn _growing in my stomach! You think just because your boyfriend-" Nico glowered angrily at her, but Tawni didn't notice. "-doesn't want to have a boyfriend anymore, you can be all moody and grumpy? Well you can't!"

"Sonny gets to," Nico mumbled. It was Sonny's turn to glare.

"But she's still coming to the party!" Tawni shrieked, heading for her change room. "There will be _heaps_ of cute guys, and you and Sonny and me can all bond over that."

Nico fumed. "Sonny doesn't _want_ another guy. A- And neither do I," Nico added, so quietly that only Sonny could hear.

Sonny bit her lip to stop from _aw_ing. "So what happened with Portlyn?"

Nico looked at her blankly, like he couldn't even remembering a Portlyn. "Oh, right. Er- Yeah, it was okay. She likes me, I think. She's sort of nice, except for the pretentious, snobby, moron side of her."

"Do you like her?" Zora asked, fiddling with the edge of the carpet she was lying on.

"No," he answered simply.

Tawni strutted back into the girls' dressing room, grinning. "_This_ is what I will be wearing. Thankyou, thankyou!"

Her cast mates shot her a variety of looks, which shut her up immediately.

"You look beautiful, Tawni," Sonny said in approval. "Can't even see it."

Tawni bit her lip, placing her hands on her tummy instinctively. "But you'll be able to soon, won't you? How long has it been now, a month? No, it has to be longer. I don't even remember. What will Marshall think? My Mum doesn't know! What if the _paparazzi_ find out?"

"Calm down!" Nico ordered. Tawni took two deep breaths, and her stiff body relaxed.

"We'll get through this, I know we will," Zora said, trying to comfort her friends.

Sonny didn't doubt that, not for her friends' sake anyway. But what hope was there left for her? None. She was destroyed beyond repair now, and Prince Charming wasn't going to saunter in and save her.

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear.

Chad leant against the doorway lazily, his hair unusually unkempt and his jacket in arm. He kept his intense eyes on Sonny while he waited patiently.

"Randoms," he said, though it wasn't too harsh. Still a little bitter, of course, but he didn't want to hurt Sonny again. "How are you?"

Tawni, Nico and Zora gave weak nods, but Sonny didn't even glance his way. She was hiding too much now, and he always did see how she was feeling. He called it 'actor's intuition' and she called it 'caring'.

Sonny's three friends stumbled out of the room, talking in hushed murmurs and glancing over their shoulders every so often. Chad was suddenly right beside her, leaning down next to her ear. "Are you going, then?"

"Going where?" she asked bluntly, though she knew perfectly well what he was talking about.

"To the Hollywood party," he said quietly. She could feel his breath on her neck, and it brought back overwhelming memories.

"Yeah, I'm going. Why?"

Chad shrugged. "I just waned to know. And I wanted you to know, that there won't be a repeat of last time-"

Sonny gave him a disgusted look, which stopped him from talking about that horrible night. "Well, good, even though I really wouldn't care this time, right?"

Chad nodded, disappointed. "Yeah. I suppose so."

"Bye Chad," she hinted, pointing towards the door.

Chad headed for the door, but turned suddenly. "You don't need this, Sonny. You don't need to be perfect; you're beautiful as it is. No body cares if you're skinny, you're better than that. You don't need to wear make up or diet or pretend-"

"_Goodbye_, Chad," Sonny said firmly, looking away. Bile had risen in her throat at Chad's lies. With one last sad look, Chad strode out the door. It was funny how she always ended up alone, wasn't it?

**Review, x. **


	15. Beautiful, Wonderful

**Woo! So here we are. The pinnacle (if thats the word I'm looking for, I mean the high point) of this story. Drama, drama, drama. And if ya'll didn't notice, I've updated with a new angsty Tawni Hart one-shot (guess I'm still angsty here then, sorry to all those who don't like it). **

**Okay, attention: So, the dresses mentioned in this and the previous chapters will be posted on my profile. If not today, in the following days then. So er... Yeah, enjoy. **

Sonny looked at herself in the mirror. She had gotten ready at the studios, not wanting to be attacked by her mother about where she was going.

The party was tonight, and it was going to be amazing. Sonny felt stunning in her dress, proud of herself for the first time in a long time. Her collar bones stuck out, and her long arms looked narrow. She might have been wearing a little bit too much make up, but it was only to cover up her flaws.

So many flaws.

But still, she was perfect, wasn't she? She had to be. This was _everything_ Sonny had worked for. This was real fucking _life_, and you had to be the best, or it simply wasn't worth it. How good it was to be Sonny Munroe, because even if it all killed her, she was fucking beautiful. She was living, breathing and (not) eating perfection.

Chad's parting words from the previous week kept drifting through her mind, making her doubt whatever she had become. Was he really lying, or did he mean it?

Sonny pinned back one last curl. Her hair had been done up by Annie, and it looked delicate and extravagant. There was a tap from the door which startled Sonny.

"Come in!" she shouted, doing one last once over her body. It _still_ didn't feel good enough.

_Ugly, disgusting, unwanted_, voices screamed at her, making her flinch and grimace. Those voices were in her head twenty-four seven these days, and they never had a single nice thing to say about her.

"Sonny?" Chad called. She groaned, did he _have_ to come and spoil her night?

"What?" Sonny replied, acid dripping from the words.

Chad appeared in the bathroom doorway. He was wearing a suit, with the collar unbuttoned of his blue shirt and the jacket hanging loose at his sides. "You look- Nice," he said slowly.

Sonny's face heated. She felt sick and wrong. He thought she looked horrible- Correction, she _did _look horrible. She always looked horrible. "What?" she asked immediately, turning to stare back in the mirror, panicked. Maybe she wasn't wearing enough make up; maybe he could see the ugly still there.

"Sonny," Chad said, shaking his head. He took a wet cloth from the sink and dabbed at her face. Sonny shot him a deathly look, backing away immediately.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?!"

Chad didn't look surprised at her reaction, but he didn't advance on her. Wringing the wet washer in his hands, he gave her an apologetic look. "Sonny, you have too much make up on. You don't even look like yourself."

"You don't know who I am!" she shrieked, trying to get past him. Chad refused to let her get away.

"No, _you_ don't know who _you_ are anymore."

The words stung. They washed over her like a wave, and carried her further away. She felt faint, and headed to the toilet like the usual routine.

"_No_!" Chad barked, putting an arm around her waist and holding her body against him. "Not a chance in hell."

Sonny sobbed quietly, her body weakening in his arms. This was all too much . . . She _had_ to be perfect, damn it! Why couldn't he see that? What was he _seeing_ in her?

Sonny wondered what she was seeing in herself. It hadn't been there long ago, and all of a sudden it was here now. It all started with insecurity, and built from one harsh little comment. She only saw the bad things, and the good things were lost, eventually.

Sonny clutched at her wrist, her fingers tracing the scar that was marked there. She _had_ felt in control, she _had_ felt powerful. But then she was alone again, and the scar burned her arm like fire. She was dirtied by her mistake, engraved with disgrace. If anyone knew . . . If anyone saw . . .

Chad watched her curiously. "What's that, Sonny?"

"What's what?" Sonny replied, as casually as she could manage. She slipped her hand behind her back, obscuring it from his view.

"Sonny-"

"Mm?"

"Show me your wrist."

Sonny's heart stopped immediately. With her pure, unharmed hand, Sonny clutched at her chest. How did he_ know? _Why did he _care_? "No, Chad. Why should I? L- Leave me alone!"

Chad took a step towards her, while Sonny cowered against the wall. "Ch- Chad!"

Placing his hands on her shoulders, Chad took a deep breath with her. He told her to calm down, but it only made Sonny's eyes prickle with tears. "Please show me your wrist," Chad pleaded.

"No!" Sonny howled, tears flooding down her cheeks.

Chad took his hands in hers, rubbing soothing circles on the back of her hand. Slowly, he turned her hand over, while his insides writhed at the sight. "Oh, Sonny . . ." he whispered. Sonny let out a few more sobs.

Sonny slipped away from his grasp, and gave herself one more look in the mirror. This time, she saw ugly, but for completely different reasons. She saw the artificial ugly she had created. She saw what Chad and everyone else saw, and it didn't look so great all of a sudden. Her hair was too fussy, her face was hidden behind layers of makeup, and for once, she saw just how skinny she really was. Her bones stuck out _everywhere_. She could almost see the two separate bones in her calves, and that was a rare thing. This dress wasn't made for her; it was made for an ice queen, a beauty freak.

That was who she was now, but not who she used to be.

She had worked _so _hard to be perfect. It still didn't make sense in her head – the more perfect she became, the uglier she was?

Sonny glanced at Chad, unsure. He was waiting patiently, watching her, waiting for something to happen.

Hastily, Sonny turned the taps on. Water poured loudly as she rinsed her face. Angrily, with tears blurring her eyes, she pulled the pins and bands out of her hair. Her chocolate curls fell around her face, and it made her feel better.

Rushing out of the room, Sonny sorted through piles of clothes. She didn't want to look like this anymore, because this was the girl Sonny Munroe was never meant to be. Grabbing a white piece of material, Sonny swept into her change room.

Chad watched her flitter around, not entirely sure what she was doing. But he'd obvious had an effect on her. He prayed to God (which he hadn't done since he was a kid in a fancy private school) that it was for the better.

Sonny emerged from her closet, wearing a white lace dress. It wasn't fancy, and it wasn't extravagant. It was pretty, and Sonny liked it. She really did like it, for once. It was pure, it was sweet, and it was simple. Sonny felt like she could breathe again, out of that dress.

She looked tired, but somehow, a little bit like her old self. Chad held his hand out, which she grasped firmly. She held onto him tight, like she would lose her balance if she let go. Maybe she would, but Chad was relieved. He'd won her back, or at least some of her.

Chad was unsure whether it was a good idea to be taking Sonny to the party, but he had a feeling there were some things she needed to do.

Sonny looked up at him with wide eyes, like a child. "Thank you," she said quietly as they walked out the door.

**Whadja think? I keep reading it over and over, so in my mind it sucks.**

**Oh well.**

**Review, x. **


	16. Let's Go Home, Sonny

**A/N: I have been so unbelievably busy it pains me. I honestly didn't think I'd get to update for another four days, but I left my science assignment that desperately needs to be finished. I'm procrastinating, don't pretend you don't do it ;) **

**Anyway, you guys are a - m - a - z - i - n - g! Thanks for all the support and whatnot, it's been the best. Unfortunately, I've been super hyped about this SWAC fanfic that my Gossip Girl one is a bit slack at the momento. But see, I'm devoted! **

**Oh well, I guess you guys sorta figured we at the rear of this story. Only two more chapters after this one (naww ): ) but I'm working on heaps of other stuff, so don't count on me dropping off face of the earth anytime soon. Would you guys like some NicoGrady oneshots? I don't think there's nearly enough of them. **

**Oh, Lord. The other day I was scrolling through some really old SWAC fanfics, and I found a chady one. I thought that was Chad-Sonny, but nooo. It's GradyChad, which I can never _ever _imagine. Not only that, but it was full of lemons (and I only just found out what that means too). So here's my wise advice - always know what you're about to read before you read it. No offence intended here, but I think I'm scarred for life. I'm all for slash, but that was just strange. **

**Ahh, enough of my rambling, enjoy!**

The party certainly was amazing. Slightly overwhelming, but amazing. Sonny watched as people twirled happily, and she felt like she could somewhat empathise with them.

It was funny how a party with Chad Dylan Cooper had started the very end of her life, and then a party with Chad Dylan Cooper had restarted it. Sonny looked down at herself, proud of the natural beauty she displayed.

"Sonny?" Annie asked, looking her up and down. Sonny was makeup free, wearing a dress as pure and white and childlike as Sonny was, and her hair dangled around her face. "What happened to the dress you were telling me about? You know, the gorgeous one."

Sonny shook her head, as if this was an extremely stupid comment. "It wasn't very me."

Annie gave her a sceptic look. "Well, that one doesn't suit you either. White lace? Come on, Sonny, _seriously_."

Sonny gulped, glancing sideways at Chad. He squeezed her hand, and Sonny exhaled calmly. "You don't know me very well, Annie. You only know the person I became when I met you. It's not your fault, I shouldn't have cared. But the thing is, I did, and it ruined me. This is me, _sweetheart_, and you can like it or hate it."

Annie fired up straightaway. "Yeah, but Sonny, really, this is ridiculous. Do you _want_ to be a loser? To be forgotten in this world? It ain't no picnic, sunshine! We're striving for the top here. We're wild and we're ferocious, but it's all worth it. It's worth every minute without food, worth every lonely day, worth every tear when no one is watching. It's _worth it_, Sonny! We're perfect."

Sonny shook her head sadly. "That's what I thought. That's what we all think. Our minds have been twisted and warped to believe we aren't good enough. I cried every day; I threw up every single thing that went down my throat! It's never worth the pain, Annie."

Chad grimaced when Sonny said that.

"You're going to _drown _in Hollywood, Sonny, believe me. All might seem well again, but soon enough they'll drag you under again- don't give me that look, you know they will! The media, our managers, the press, the _whole fucking world_. They'll tear and tug and rip you apart, Sonny Munroe, and then you'll be in so deep you'll never resurface!" Annie hissed darkly, her elegant features infuriated.

"I'll be fine, you know. Because I'm _real_. I may be dark and rough and ugly sometimes, but I'm _real_."

Annie's eyes shone, though they were eerily dark. She whirled in the opposite direction, a blur of forest-green silk, which Sonny noticed was towards the bathroom. She prayed the young, obsessive game show girl would be okay.

Chad danced with her a few times, asking her every so often whether she was okay. She was now, of course. He told her he liked white on her better than black anyway. Sonny agreed, forgetting the other dress as the night wore on.

Sonny caught a glimpse of two very unhappy girls. She recognised them as Portlyn and the blond Meal or No Meal girl. Did she even have a name? Sonny smiled when she realised they were alone, and their dates were off somewhere else.

It started to get too stuffy in the room for Sonny, and she needed a moment to breathe. Chad led her outside, where they sat on a stone wall. The night was mixed up and it didn't feel right, but it was a relief.

Chad took her hands and pulled her into his chest. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Sonny shook her head, her russet hair tickling his neck. "You shouldn't be. I should, though. I really am sorry, for everything."

"And you'll promise me you won't lose sight of Sonny Munroe ever again?" he asked. Sonny nodded in reply, and he grinned. "Good, because she's a right pain in my arse, but I'd miss her."

Sonny let a chuckle escape her lips. The sound was new and uneven to her, but she liked it. Sonny liked being able to laugh, because that's who Sonny was.

Chad leant down and pressed his lips to her forehead. Sonny lifted her head, brushing her lips against his, and electricity flooded through her. It was stronger than any feeling she had felt in a long time, and almost made her legs give out. Chad caught her though, and the kiss wasn't broken.

It was a wet, sweet moment. Sonny realised rain was pouring down, soaking the two.

"Let's get you home," he whispered in her ear. Sonny nodded weakly, letting him lead her to his car.

Sonny turned around for a moment, and glanced at two figures passing them. They were holding hands, and grinning like kids. Sonny recognised them immediately. Nico looked up from his discussion, and gave Sonny a nod of his head. Sonny replied with a knowing smile.

Sonny placed a hand gently on her flat stomach and sighed. "Actually, Chad, do you think we could go get some food?"

**Aww?**

**Review, x. **


	17. Thankyou

**A/n: I'm grounded. Not supposed to be on. Sacrafice.**

**Enjoy,**

Sonny walked through her front door, Chad following close behind her. She had a quarter of a Subway Six Inch left in her hands, which she hadn't been able to finish. Sonny had read somewhere if you go without eating for too long, your stomach's ability to keep food will shrink. It had felt good in her mouth to eat, although it had made her stomach a little unsettled.

Sonny looked around shyly, searching for her mother. Connie was sitting at the kitchen table, a mug in hand, staring blankly ahead. She looked exhausted and sick, but Sonny guessed she hadn't slept for a few nights.

"Mum?" Sonny called quietly. Connie's head snapped around, and her eyes widened.

"Oh, Sonny!" she gushed, tears shining in her eyes. She stood up immediately, walking over to Sonny slowly. It was like she might frighten her daughter, or like Sonny was some wild beast out in the wild.

Connie wrapped her arms around Sonny. Sonny's hair curtained over her mothers face as they hugged and Connie was instantly relieved. "I was so, so scared," the Wisconsin mother whispered.

"I was too, Ma', I was too," Sonny agreed, pulling away from her Mum. Connie eyed the roll in her hand, and looked at her in shock. Sonny nodded, taking one last little bite to prove she was eating again.

"Oh, my baby!" Connie cried. "Would you like anything else? Fries? Pancakes? I can do pancakes at midnight, can't I? It doesn't make me a bad mother-"

"Mum! I can't eat _too_ much," Sonny said quietly, hinting she didn't want to talk about it. Connie nodded, her eyes swooping over Chad.

"But isn't he the-"

"Yeah, Mum."

"Don't you think-"

"I know, Mum."

"Isn't it a bit soon, after-"

"No, Mum. Look, if it weren't for Chad, I wouldn't be here right now. He sort of . . . Saved me, I guess," Sonny said defensively.

Connie did a once over of Chad again, and then pulled him into a hug too. "_Thankyou_!" she gushed. Chad looked taken aback, but amused.

"I'm going to get ready for bed, now," Sonny said, heading down the hall. Connie was in such a good mood she didn't even care that Chad followed her daughter.

"So this is your room, huh?" Chad asked, looking around with great interest.

"You've been in here before."

"I know," he shrugged. "Feels different this time."

Sonny nodded, closing her closet doors behind her. A few minutes later, she came out wearing a pair of old flannelette pyjama pants and a tank top. "You can stay over, if you like. I think Mum is eternally grateful, so she probably wouldn't even mind."

Chad shook his head. "Nah, you need to be here with your family, and I should probably be with mine. Goodnight, Sonny."

"Goodnight, Chad. Thankyou," she murmured as Chad brushed his lips against her cheek and headed back out of the bedroom. She even though she heard him mutter 'I love you', but that part could have been a dream. She fell asleep straight away after flopping down onto her bed.

**x, review.**


	18. Epilogue

**Author's note at bottom. **

"Hey, Sonny," Nico grinned. It had been weeks since the party, since she was saved, and now it was Christmas time. Grady followed him through the prop house door and waved too.

Tawni was sitting down, humming songs to herself, studying her nails. The baby was due soon, and Tawni had found a new romance. Although the idea of a pregnant seventeen-year-old had freaked her new boyfriend out a little, he hadn't left her, which Sonny took as a good sign. Tawni would be okay (she was a Hart, wasn't she?).

Sonny was draped in silver and gold tinsel, wearing her old clothing (bright yellows, blues, purples) and she was smiling. She was still trying to gain a little bit of weight until she was back to her original size, but apart from that she was as healthy as a horse.

Chad grinned at her from across the room, while he chatted to Portlyn, who had been invited to the prop house as well. She still kind of hoped Nico would jump back in the closet and pick her instead, but Sonny couldn't see that happening anytime soon.

The two were / happy together. They didn't kiss in public or anything, to their cast mates' relief, but they were still a public couple. The media had droned out about it for weeks, but their constant prodding and poking hadn't bothered Nico and Grady.

Zora's head was poking out of the vents, her cheeks rosy and her grin wide. She had been put into foster care, and Sonny was surprised to see the twelve-year-old wasn't sad about it at all. In fact, she was happier in her new, stable family. Sometimes, she still visited her Dad, who was trying to get his act together. But it wasn't taking too much effect on Zora at all.

Christmas had dawned on them, and Sonny, Nico, Grady and Tawni had all gone present shopping. Sonny bought Chad the entire _So Random! _series, because she knew he was doing it tough hanging out with the Randoms and all.

A big tree was in the middle of the room, which Sonny was decorating, and she thought it looked marvellous in gold and red colours. The days were bright and new and exciting, like a breath of fresh air.

Things couldn't be forgotten, of course. But they could do their best to put it all together (kind of like how when you were a kid and you broke you mother's best vase, and you just super-glued it back together).

They had glued themselves back together the best they could.

Sonny laughed at Grady's joke, along with everyone else (except for Portlyn, who sort of just glared). Even Chad was finding him funny; although Sonny kind of figured he was mostly relieved she was 'back'.

The moment could have been from a fairytale. _So Random! _was stronger than ever now, which had kind of annoyed the hell out of Chad. Sometimes, Sonny had to take a deep breath and remind herself why she was here, and what was important. She thought of her friends and Chad. Everything would be okay, then.

_All of her family and all of her friends, helped to put Sonny back together again._

_

* * *

_

**So what did you think? Please, please, please review. **

**So I suppose you guessed this is the last chapter. Your right!**

**I'm also still grounded, but I'm home alone sick today (I think I have Croup, my throat is itchy and sore, I can't breathe, my sinus - sinus'? - is/are sore and I keep sneezing, I thought it was hay-fever, but I don't think so anymore) and I felt terrible, so I decided to sneak on. Such a rebel ;) **

**Can anyone please tell me exactly what a Beta Reader is? I know they edit an author's stories, but I'd like a little more info than that. Sometimes I read back on my stories, and even though I try to read over them for mistakes, I usually miss things anyway. It's not that I'm bad at grammar or nothing, I just usually have ideas flowing when I write fanfictions, and I don't always notice those things. **

**So Beta Readers - what are they, should I get one, and where can I get one from? **

**I know most of you probably don't read these things but I have an **

**IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: **

**NicoxGrady one-shot is going up today. I think it goes under angst, for all my angst-y fans. **

**Thanks you guys. You've been the best readers ever. **

**x. **


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